Slowly But Surely

I've been awfully quiet, thanks to that last chemo cycle. I guess nothing good really comes easy. I graduated but this is, by far, the longest down time I've had post-chemo. I've been in bed since Sunday. I finally got my first WBC booster shot last night and I'm thinking I'm able to do this entry because of that. I'm up long enough to type and watch a few downloaded TV shows. Sunday to Tuesday, I was as good as drugged, even if I wasn't. I would wake up only to go to the bathroom or eat. The rest of the time, I was so out of it. I don't know how others can be in chemo and working at the same time. It would have to take so much effort to achieve that. 

Today is slightly better than the past few days, albeit with still a bit of body pain. I had to take a Valium last night and that's rare. I just wanted to make sure I slept soundly without any interruption. 

I'm just really looking forward to the good days ... of which there will be a lot of from now on.

Downtime Monday

It's been 4 days since my last (literally) chemo cycle and as always, as expected ... I'm officially in downtime mode. I've been this way since yesterday, which was quite a surprise. Usually, the 3rd day is slow but not extremely slow. I slept like 80% of the time yesterday and I couldn't control it. I was SLEEPY and that was that. Whenever this happens, I go with the flow. I treat it as my body's way of forcing me to rest. The muscle pain started yesterday, slightly. Today, it's more intense but not in any way painful or difficult to tolerate. I just might pop a Celebrex later on, maybe close to or after lunch so I can relax more in the afternoon.

No school today, it's the anniversary of the Edsa Revolution. I wish I could go get a mani pedi but being in bed is really the more appropriate thing to do. Besides, I thought I could catch up on my shows yesterday but I couldn't. Maybe today's the day to do that.

Hope you're all having a quiet and well-deserved long weekend! 

Hello There, Hair!

I haven't been saying much about my hair growth because I wanted to be absolutely sure I wasn't jinxing anything. I noticed that my scalp started to look slightly darker than usual, right before my 5th chemo cycle last January 31st. I told my Onco about it and she said it will shed some more because I wasn't done with treatments yet. I was okay with that, not really disappointed. But I watched and waited and didn't notice any shedding at all. In fact, I have more hair than the day I first noticed that it was coming back. Here's the latest photo of my nicely-shaped head (yeah I'm really proud of this fact) taken this morning, just a half hour ago to be exact. 

I used a filter just to highlight because you really wouldn't be able to see much from the way my small walk-in bathroom area is lit. Have I noticed any changes in my hair? People have told me that after treatments, your hair could grow differently from what you've been used to all your life. Some had straight hair prior to Cancer and got curly hair after chemo. Some say it's the other way around. A few have said that when their hair started to grow, everything was gray! But the most common I've heard so far is that the hair feels brand new, soft to the touch, like freshly-grown hair on a baby's head. Interesting. I can't say that for sure yet, still too short at this point. I'm just so glad I can see it coming back, slowly but surely. I do notice some parts that are growing out gray, but it's nothing new to me. I had been coloring my roots for years before my diagnosis. Premature gray hair runs in the family (thanks, Daddy! haha!). So it's not like I was shocked and got depressed when I saw all the gray hairs come out. So used to them already. 

Time to start seriousy looking at organic hair colour in boxes! I've seen a few brands on the shelves of Healthy Options stores. I need to read up and ask around for the most recommended brand and grab my very first box soon. 

Have a happy Saturday y'all! 

I'm a Chemo Graduate!

Yesterday was much-anticipated. I had my 6th and last chemo cycle. 

Unlike the previous times, I didn't feel too anxious about going. There was still a bit of anxiety (because  it is so normal to feel this way even after several cycles) but it was too tiny to matter. The predominant feeling was excitement. I just wanted to get it over with! 

Here we were in the car, on the way to The Medical City

Can I just say that my N deserves an award for perfect attendance? He has never missed the chance to accompany me to a chemo session and for that, I'm really really grateful. 

The cycle went without major hitches. My main concern was my veins. I prayed that there wouldn't be a problem, given that this was already my 6th and some patients I know had vein issues way before this time. I prayed so hard that my Onco wouldn't have to resort to any drastic measures just to push through with the infusion. She said the vein had gone into hiding already BUT there was another one that looked good ... alleluia! She used that vein instead, but wait ... the insertion was 2x as painful. I cringed a bit, and I never cringed before --- ever! She explained that it was a virgin vein that's why it hurt a little bit more than usual. After that, it was all good. I went to sleep (thanks to the Benadryl) and stayed groggy for a good 1/2 hrs. I soon recovered and the grogginess went away. I was wide awake. 

Soon after, we received an unexpected visitor. My SIL's friend who's also based in Vietnam but is here to take care of his Mom who has stage 4 Non-Hodgekins Lymphoma and has been confined at The Medical City since November of last year. He kept us both occupied until my pump sounded off the end of the session! Thanks, Richie ... big help keeping my mind off my Frienemy! Your Mom will be in our prayers from now on. Fight! 

When the needle was taken out and I had done my thing in the restroom for the Nth time (yes, chemo makes you pee a lot), it was time to say goodbye to the Chemo Unit nurses who have taken care of me each time I was there these past months since October 2012. They've always been so helpful and cheerful. I can't imagine how hard it must be for them to be exposed to Cancer patients on a daily basis, children included. Modesty aside, I don't look sick except for the absence of hair on my head. But others are not as fortunate. If I were assigned to this unit, I'd probably go home depressed every single day. So props to these men and women for their dedication!

My smile looks so tentative here, not the kind I usually have. That's 'cause I was holding back my tears.

The nurses are Jansen Lim, Marlone Resurreccion, Czarina Plata and Cecilia Sandoval. Not in photo is Cassey Pugao, whom I didn't get to thank and say goodbye to because she was in a seminar on another floor. And as expected, they only had one thing to say ... that they didn't want to see me inside the Chemo Unit ever again. Elsewhere in the hospital is okay. Just not the Chemo Unit. So sweet!

Yes, that's a Certificate I'm holding in the photo. It was a sweet surprise. Very encouraging!

There were 2 other graduates yesterday, older than me. I didn't see them but the nurses told me they were there for 1 and 2 years for their treatments. Big survivors! What's my 4 months compared to their 12 and 24 months??? 

It's already the day after and I still can't believe it's all over. At one point I even thought of just throwing in the towel. I'm so glad that God heard my prayers and replenished my strength! 

So there you go ... the big, happy news for the week. Something to hopefully inspire those of you who are still in the middle of treatments. It WILL pass. Before you know it, you'll be pinching yourself like I have. Just hang in there and keep praying for sustenance! God can hear you! 

Have a really awesome weekend, everyone! I know I will! 

It's Over!

6 cycles of chemotherapy done! 

Can you believe it??? I still can't!

All glory to God! 

Pre-Graduation Day Thoughts

I was at my Onco's clinic yesterday for the routine check prior to a chemo cycle. The envelope containing my blood test results in my purse, I prayed for everything to turn out well and to be told that chemo was going to push through as planned, and not delayed. To cut a long story short, she saw no reason to delay my FINAL chemo cycle. It's happening tomorrow.

In the car on the way home, my mind went into overdrive. 

Last chemo cycle? Really? I remember what it was like for me on that very first day, October 23rd last year, to be exact. I prayed hard for peace and a total feeling of calmness. I was anxious but I didn't make it seem obvious. In fact, I had a mini panic attack without anyone knowing it, not even N. I was to find out later on that this is such a common reaction amongst chemo patients. 

I also started to think about the women I've met so far along the way ... those who graduated ahead of me, those who are a few steps behind me and those who are just about to embark on the same journey. I want to go to each of them to tell them to be patient because they WILL get to the finish line. I know what it feels like to be in their shoes, I totally understand. 

I told N that I want to bring food for the nurses on duty when I go for my last dose. This is going to be our way of thanking them for the work and to say goodbye. They've already told me before and I guess this is what they always tell their chemo patients : they pray they won't see me ever again in the chemo unit. God knows this will be one of my most fervent prayers from now on. 

I'm getting teary-eyed as I conclude this entry. 

To the person who is reading this and who has read every single entry in this blog so far, I thank you for joining me on this leg. I hope you will continue to accompany me as I try my best to live healthy keep the f*cker out of my life. 

The Graduation Day Countdown : 8

I feel so normal, that's why I've busied myself this week with things that I need to do before Grad Day. 

My daughter's Prom is in 3 days, how exciting is that?! 

The Graduation Day Countdown : 9

9 days to go before my 6th and last chemo cycle! 

I'm so glad this week is so busy and it will go by swiftly. 

Repost : The Year of the Snake

Reposting this from blog #1:

My Dad is was probably the only person in my family who believed in celebrating the Chinese New Year. He had a lot of Chinese friends in his network --- a lot! That's really where the influence came from. He also believed in ushering in the new year with all sorts of good luck charms and things like that. His condo was filled (still is) with Chinese-inspired decor. 

I, on the other hand, am not a staunch believer. It's really a personal thing, and I respect the many Chinese friends I also have. But if you ask me, I only need a strong spiritual foundation to get me through life. It's not always easy, especially after everything that happened last year. But you trip, you fall, you get up and you learn. So far, so good. 

I believe that it doesn't matter if you're a rooster, dog, rat or monkey (that's me). If you're armed with a strong faith, kindness to others and a heart that always wants to give without expecting anything in return, you can always be as successful and as happy as you want! 

To all my Chinese friends ... 

may the Year of the Snake bring you whatever it is your hearts are asking for ... and more!

P.S.

If Dad were here, we'd probably be eating like pigs tonight (what's new?) at Choi Palace. Dimsum all we can and Roast Duck! Aahhhhhhh I miss him! 

Booster Shot #2

Done!!! Good days ahead! 

Booster Shot #1

In anticipation of my WBC levels diving as a reaction to chemo, my Onco already told me prior to cycle 5 that I'll need 2 booster shots. This to make sure I don't catch any infection and my counts are ready for the next (and last!) cycle in 2 weeks. 

NEUPOGEN is the booster's brand name. 

It is used to stimulate the production of granulocytes (a type of white blood cell) in patients undergoing therapy that will cause low white blood cell counts. Neupogen is used to prevent infection and neutropenic (low white blood cells) fevers caused by chemotherapy. It is a support medication, not a treatment for cancer. 

I'm due for my second one tomorrow but today after only the first shot, I feel so much more energized.

Chemo or Alternative Medicine?

Before I write further, let me just say that this entry contains my personal beliefs about Alternative Medicine as a means to address cancer, any type of cancer. These thoughts didn't come from books or online articles. I respect others and the choices they make as far as treatments are concerned. 

There's been a lot of talk about Alternative Medicine being the friendlier option. It's always been compared to chemotherapy. If you look at these two options, even without the benefit of in-depth research, the former will always emerge as the easier choice. Easier in terms of what? 

Side effects

Economics, maybe

But what really is the bottom line when you find out you have cancer? 

Kicking it and doing what you can to keep it from coming back. 

So this is how I look at it: 

If I want to get rid of a nasty cold stat, I would take a pill and not just sleep it off.

If I want to recover from the flu, I'd swallow paracetamol every 4 hrs. 

If I want to address dysmenorrhea pain, I'd take Flanax instead of use a hot water bag. 

Cancer is not something you can joke around with. If you know you have it, you don't waste time getting rid of it. To me, choosing to go with Alternative Medicine for my breast cancer would be wasting precious time. BUT, there are factors to consider. In my case : age. I'm 44 years old. The younger you are, the more active your cancer cells are. The older you get, the slower they move around. Get the picture? The form of treatment I choose should be able to catch up with them. I don't think Alternative Medicine can achieve this. If a person in his/her 60's or 70's says alternative medicine is what works best for them, I'll believe them. Chemo does take a huge toll on one's physical being.

Not to say that I never had any second thoughts about chemotherapy. There have been many instances, prior to the start of treatments, when I questioned my own decision. But at the end of the day, I consoled myself with the fact that I'm not a doctor and my doctor knows best. This is what she recommends and I'm not in a position to tell her that she's wrong. Of course, that's me. 

Chemo is not really my friend. I've had a love-hate relationship with it from the start. It is, by far, the only thing that has made me go into panic attacks. I've never ever taken a Valium before. But thanks to chemo, I can now say I have. 

I talked about chemo with both my Breast Surgeon and my Onco even before my first cycle started. Thanks to them, I was convinced that this was the option I should go with. My main goal is to live long enough to see my children go off into the world on their own. If I can live way longer than that minus an illness, then that would be a really pretty bonus. Chemo is the tougher protocol, but I know I'll have more peace of mind after I'm done. 

That Metallic Taste

It used to be just a story I would hear from cancer or former cancer patients. I could never understand nor relate to it because it sounded so strange to me. Food tasting like metal? Odd, to say the least. Now I know exactly what these people were talking about. I still can't describe it properly. But yes, metal is the closest thing that comes to mind. 

Luckily for me, this part is just a phase and it disappears when the good days post-chemo start rolling in. The longest it has stayed is about a week. Then my taste buds return to normal and everything tastes good again. Also, this hasn't stopped me from eating --- thank God. 

I just tend to ask for certain things to help address this inconvenience while it's happening. Here are some of the stuff I would normally buy or ask N to get for me when things become frustrating:

Ice Cream - even a cheap sundae cone from McDonald's or Jollibee will do the trick

Gulaman and Sago - why this? Because it's got crushed ice! I usually send the driver to the nearest Goldilock's branch to grab me a couple of orders. Really takes your mind off the metallic issue.

Magnolia's Popsies (or the Twin Popsies I grew up loving) - it's flavored ice, that's why. Feels so good on the tongue, no kidding.

I've also tried eating with chopsticks instead of the usual spoon and fork, so as not to amplify issue. Kinda works, too. But AGAIN, no two people are the same. While most cancer/chemo patients will tell you that they experience this, the effects on each person are different. In my case, I don't completely lose my appetite. I just ride it out until the issue disappears. For some, it could be a serious concern because you can't afford not to eat during treatments. 

Photos grabbed from Google Images

Barley : Good for Cancer?

I get all sorts of information on what to eat, drink, medicines or supplements to consider. This has been going on since the day I decided to go public with my breast cancer diagnosis. But no matter what anyone suggests, the bottom line is really this : to live a healthy lifestyle.

One of the things that's been suggested to me is BARLEY. Whether it's in the form of capsules, a powdered drink or what have you. People are saying that Barley is good for cancer patients. There are articles that will tell you it helps prevent cancer but I don't think anyone can truly say that something, when taken on a regular basis, will stop cancer from attacking your body. It probably offers some kind of protection, but not a guarantee.

Once you're diagnosed with a disease like this, you're recommmended to increase your intake of fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Barley appears in this list. 

Plant Family	Examples
Grains	Wheat, rye, oats, rice, corn, bulgur, barley
Green leafy vegetables	Lettuce, spinach, swiss chard, endives, beet greens, romaine
Cruciferous vegetables	Broccoli, cabbage, turnip, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, kohlrabi, bok choy, watercress, collards, kale, mustard greens, rutabaga
Umbelliferous vegetables	Celery, parsley, fennel, carrots, parsnip
Allium vegetables	Garlic, onion, shallots, chives, leek
Legumes	Soybeans, peas, chickpeas, lima beans, peanut, carob, dried beans (kidney, mung, pinto, black-eyed), lentils
Solanaceous vegetables	Nightshade family: eggplant, tomatoes
Cucurbitaceous vegetables	Gourd family: pumpkin, squash, cucumber, muskmelon, watermelon

Source : www.hopkinsmedicine.org

I guess it should then be a consideration when it's time to sit down with my Onco to discuss what kind of supplements I can take when chemo is done. This is going to be part of my long-term nutrition plan. Still reading up on other stuff I should be including in the long list of things I should be eating on a regular basis.

Moving forward!

Update : Post Chemo Day 3 (Cycle 5)

Like clockwork, I start to feel the side effects on the 3rd day. Today's not bad so far, but I always know the side effects have arrived because I don't really feel the same. I'm up and walking, but I heeded my Onco's advice to start on the pain killer today (instead of when the body pain IS actually here). This is to avoid what happened after cycle 4. Yeah, the anxiety attack which amplified the body pain and rendered me useless and helpless for a whole day. Unthinkable!

I'm alright. Just a little lazy and now slightly sleepy. I'm in bed, typing away and checking on my social networking accounts as always. It's cool. 

Looking forward to Sunday Family Style lunch here at home with Mama and home-cooked Sinigang na Sugpo, Porkchops and Palitaw for dessert!

And yes, I've changed my pain killer because Arcoxia didn't really impress me. 

Let's see if Celebrex does the trick!
I'm liking the yellow stripes. 

Happy Sunday, y'all!

Water, I'm Slowly Learning To Love You

Everyone knows how important water is. My Onco says it's one of the most natural forms of medicine for a sick body. It flushes out toxins from the body especially out of vital organs, carries nutrients to your cells, and provides environment for ear, nose, and throat issues.  

According to medical resources, the required daily intake for men is about 3 liters a day, while for women it's about 2.2 liters a day. Why is it so easy for me to imagine those amounts inside bottles of Coca Cola? That's 'cause I grew up not loving water. Throw me into the pool or make me spend a whole afternoon at the beach and I'm perfectly alright. But water INTAKE is a different story. 

I don't know what happened or whom I should blame for this haha. But my default drink has always been either Iced Tea or Coke. That's everywhere I go, including when I'm at home. There was a time, in the early to mid-2000s, when N and I would never ever have water at any given time. Just Coke. All day, everyday for years. Shaking your heads? I know, right. 

It's taken me a while to get used to drinking water as a daily habit. In fact, I still have to have soda every now and then. But my soda intake today is a far cry from what it was. I can now go a whole week without it. I've learned to drink more H20 especially after a chemo cycle, when all the crappy stuff needs to get out of my system, to avoid extreme side effects. The longer the toxins stay in my body, the more difficult it will be to recover from a cycle. That's all I keep in mind each time I have to down a huge glass of water. 

I still semi-struggle with having to drink too much. With soda, it's always, "May I please have some more?". But not with water. 

Sigh ... my on-going love-hate relationship with water. Make me fall in love with you some more!

Brunch and a New Book

I got another sweet surprise lately, from a fellow Pink Warrior and now friend. We make it a point to meet up on a regular basis. I'm just a few steps ahead of her. I just had my 5th cycle, while she is scheduled to have hers in a few days. We've had so much to talk about because there's so much we can relate to. It really helps to have a small group of friends who understand what you're going through 100%. I'm proud to say that Terry A. is one of them.

On our most recent meet-up at Nic's in San Juan (it was our 3rd time here already), we got to compare notes again and talk about Graduation Day. Yes, we're finally talking about graduating from chemotherapy. Time flies! 

I got to introduce Sabine to Tita Terry when she picked me up after coming from school. Anissa will have to be introduced later on when her busy schedule permits. 

Before I left, Terry handed me a gift. I love it when friends give me books!

I've heard and read a lot of great things about this book, and not just from anyone but people I know personally. Most of them have told me that they've had this book for a while and they go back to reading it every now and then. That only means it's really worth having and keeping. I'm still only on the first chapter. It's the kind of reading material that you don't rush. Louise Hay's thoughts need to be understood and absorbed carefully, for them to have a positive and long-lasting effect on you. Atleast, that's what I think. In fact, she suggests that you read it once and then a 2nd time. The 2nd round should be a more focused effort. There's a strategy and I intend to follow it. 

I'm really not sure where this book is available but you can always try the old reliable National Bookstore first. It shouldn't cost too much because it's not hard-bound. 

So grateful for all the love I keep receiving from friends, old and new.

Thanks again, Terry! 'Til our next date!