Chemo or Alternative Medicine?

Before I write further, let me just say that this entry contains my personal beliefs about Alternative Medicine as a means to address cancer, any type of cancer. These thoughts didn't come from books or online articles. I respect others and the choices they make as far as treatments are concerned. 

There's been a lot of talk about Alternative Medicine being the friendlier option. It's always been compared to chemotherapy. If you look at these two options, even without the benefit of in-depth research, the former will always emerge as the easier choice. Easier in terms of what? 

Side effects

Economics, maybe

But what really is the bottom line when you find out you have cancer? 

Kicking it and doing what you can to keep it from coming back. 

So this is how I look at it: 

If I want to get rid of a nasty cold stat, I would take a pill and not just sleep it off.

If I want to recover from the flu, I'd swallow paracetamol every 4 hrs. 

If I want to address dysmenorrhea pain, I'd take Flanax instead of use a hot water bag. 

Cancer is not something you can joke around with. If you know you have it, you don't waste time getting rid of it. To me, choosing to go with Alternative Medicine for my breast cancer would be wasting precious time. BUT, there are factors to consider. In my case : age. I'm 44 years old. The younger you are, the more active your cancer cells are. The older you get, the slower they move around. Get the picture? The form of treatment I choose should be able to catch up with them. I don't think Alternative Medicine can achieve this. If a person in his/her 60's or 70's says alternative medicine is what works best for them, I'll believe them. Chemo does take a huge toll on one's physical being.

Not to say that I never had any second thoughts about chemotherapy. There have been many instances, prior to the start of treatments, when I questioned my own decision. But at the end of the day, I consoled myself with the fact that I'm not a doctor and my doctor knows best. This is what she recommends and I'm not in a position to tell her that she's wrong. Of course, that's me. 

Chemo is not really my friend. I've had a love-hate relationship with it from the start. It is, by far, the only thing that has made me go into panic attacks. I've never ever taken a Valium before. But thanks to chemo, I can now say I have. 

I talked about chemo with both my Breast Surgeon and my Onco even before my first cycle started. Thanks to them, I was convinced that this was the option I should go with. My main goal is to live long enough to see my children go off into the world on their own. If I can live way longer than that minus an illness, then that would be a really pretty bonus. Chemo is the tougher protocol, but I know I'll have more peace of mind after I'm done. 

That Metallic Taste

It used to be just a story I would hear from cancer or former cancer patients. I could never understand nor relate to it because it sounded so strange to me. Food tasting like metal? Odd, to say the least. Now I know exactly what these people were talking about. I still can't describe it properly. But yes, metal is the closest thing that comes to mind. 

Luckily for me, this part is just a phase and it disappears when the good days post-chemo start rolling in. The longest it has stayed is about a week. Then my taste buds return to normal and everything tastes good again. Also, this hasn't stopped me from eating --- thank God. 

I just tend to ask for certain things to help address this inconvenience while it's happening. Here are some of the stuff I would normally buy or ask N to get for me when things become frustrating:

Ice Cream - even a cheap sundae cone from McDonald's or Jollibee will do the trick

Gulaman and Sago - why this? Because it's got crushed ice! I usually send the driver to the nearest Goldilock's branch to grab me a couple of orders. Really takes your mind off the metallic issue.

Magnolia's Popsies (or the Twin Popsies I grew up loving) - it's flavored ice, that's why. Feels so good on the tongue, no kidding.

I've also tried eating with chopsticks instead of the usual spoon and fork, so as not to amplify issue. Kinda works, too. But AGAIN, no two people are the same. While most cancer/chemo patients will tell you that they experience this, the effects on each person are different. In my case, I don't completely lose my appetite. I just ride it out until the issue disappears. For some, it could be a serious concern because you can't afford not to eat during treatments. 

Photos grabbed from Google Images

Update : Post Chemo Day 3 (Cycle 5)

Like clockwork, I start to feel the side effects on the 3rd day. Today's not bad so far, but I always know the side effects have arrived because I don't really feel the same. I'm up and walking, but I heeded my Onco's advice to start on the pain killer today (instead of when the body pain IS actually here). This is to avoid what happened after cycle 4. Yeah, the anxiety attack which amplified the body pain and rendered me useless and helpless for a whole day. Unthinkable!

I'm alright. Just a little lazy and now slightly sleepy. I'm in bed, typing away and checking on my social networking accounts as always. It's cool. 

Looking forward to Sunday Family Style lunch here at home with Mama and home-cooked Sinigang na Sugpo, Porkchops and Palitaw for dessert!

And yes, I've changed my pain killer because Arcoxia didn't really impress me. 

Let's see if Celebrex does the trick!
I'm liking the yellow stripes. 

Happy Sunday, y'all!

ONE TO GO!!!

Today was chemo cycle 5. Uneventful, as always. At this point, a lot of other chemo patients would already have issues with their veins. Some people I know have had to get the help of an anaesthesiologist to manage the pain. I am so thankful I've had no issues since day one! 

I can't believe I have one more cycle to go. I'm really, really graduating next month! 

In the meantime, I'm more prepared to deal with side effects this time. I am so sure I'll be able to hack it unlike the last time. At the first sign of a panic attack, I'll take half a tablet of Valium. I've also asked my Onco to change my pain killer brand (Arcoxia is not my friend) and I'm going to start taking it on the morning of the 3rd day after chemo (that's on Feb 3rd), when my side effects usually kick in. I am so ready to fight the expected body pain! 

We are also closer to the weekend. I'm really hoping to spend a quiet and relaxing one at home. 

Lesson Learned

LESSON LEARNED: I'M NOT SUPERWOMAN. NO ONE IS.

I realized this yesterday, when I suffered from a really bad side effect (from chemo cycle 4 with Docetaxel, a new med) and was reduced to a ball of of pain and frustration, not to mention, desperation. 

In hindsight, it was also my mindset that made it so bad. Waking up in the morning and realizing I was not my usual self made me angry. I felt so off and this meant that my To Do List for the week would have to be set aside. Totally unacceptable to me. This dictated the tone for the rest of the day. And so everything became big ... the anxiety, the frustration, the pain (localized chest pain for more than an hour which really made me panic and think I was having a heart attack!), the anger --- the cycle went on an on. I allowed the enemy to take over. I was weak and it took advantage of me. I called out in prayer but I guess it was not heartfel. I was distracted, because I didn't feel relief until around dinner time.

I resisted the urge to rely on meds, not knowing that I was postponing relief for the wrong reason -- I didn't want to give in and admit defeat. I had been able to beat side effects the past 3 cycles and I didn't want to throw in the towel now. In the end, my body begged for the respite so I relented.

This is why I call chemo my Frienemy. It's supposed to make me better in the long term but look at what it does to me in the meantime. It wreaks havoc not just on the body but on the mind as well.

I've already apologized to myself for the really bad time I had yesterday. It was mostly my fault for allowing it to get to me.

I thank the Lord for a better day so far. I'm dizzy, I'm weak but I'm not in any kind of pain and I'll take that any day.

For all your prayers, thank you!

The Calm Before The Storm

Chemo Cycle 4 took place on January 10th, a Thursday.

I was okay until I woke up on Sunday, the 13th. I immediately felt off. Nothing major, just that overall feeling you get when you know the side effects are right around the corner and ready to pounce anytime. I didn't allow that to affect my day though. I had a family birthday lunch scheduled and I was dead set on going. Which I did. Honestly, I didn't feel 100% okay, but I was okay enough to go. I wouldn't have forced myself to get out of bed otherwise. I don't look so bad here, right? 

After the lunch, I decided to go for some much-needed "me" time at the nail spa near my Mom's place. The chemo treatments have taken a toll on my skin too. It dries 2x as fast now and I need to get a mani-pedi more often than the usual. 

Other than the relaxation factor, I also needed a mani pedi stat because my nails have really started to discolor bigtime (thumbs and big toes with some on the 2nd toe). I didn't take a photo because well, you know why. I can't stand seeing them, no matter how many times N tells me it's okay and it shouldn't be an issue because the discoloration is a side effect and is temporary.

He really is so nice. 

After this, Mom treated me to a massage back in the condo. The girl who massaged me was my Dad's (and now Mom's) favorite masseuse. I felt relieved after.

But all this pampering didn't prepare me for what was to take place the next day...

(jump to the next entry if you care to)

Are you my BFF?

My Oncologist told me the two things to watch out for this time are bloating and body/joint pains. Doesn't sound so bad, right? I mean, versus nausea the first 3 cycles which I didn't even experience. It's been 3 days since chemo cycle 4 and I've felt normal ... until I woke up this morning.

As soon as I tried to get out of bed, my back felt off. It was like I had exercised the day before. HA! Exercise? What's that? I've never even been inside a gym, let alone, do brisk walking on a regular basis.  So in my mind I knew this could be a chemo side effect. So much for good luck? Nah. I'm still not complaining. Sure, it feels uncomfortable. But really, if it's something that can be addressed by a pill, I'm okay.

Although I'm not a habitual pill-popper, there's a bit of comfort in knowing that when things go bad and I can't bear the pain, there's something I can take to make me feel better.

My doc says I should take Biogesic 3x a day for a week if I have to, and today I did. It's basic Paracetamol anyway so it shouldn't be terribly harmful. She says that if it gets too much to take, then I can shift to Arcoxia, which is a really intense pain killer. I took this for about a week right after my surgeries and it really helped. But I'm not too okay with taking it on a regular basis (kidney issues, hello). I know people who are regular Arcoxia fans for extreme things like migraine. Luckily, I don't have that issue.

It will have to be Biogesic for now. Perhaps, a 2-hour massage later on during the day will also do me well.

P.S. A friend who ended her chemo treatments last year and is now in remission tells me she experienced the bloating more than the body/joint pains. It IS different for each cancer patient, so please take everything with a grain of salt and just be vigilant about your side effects. Make sure you're prepared for anything and in everything ... just give thanks. This will all pass!

HAVE A BLESSED SUNDAY!

Sleepless in Bed

12 hours from now, I'll be sitting on that La-Z Boy-looking chair again, while trying to watch TV or maybe reading my book of the moment. 

I'm not going to lie ... I'm anxious about going for chemo cycle 2. The only difference is that this time, I know exactly what to expect. So I guess the anxious feeling isn't as intense as the first time. But this is why I'm in bed, but can't sleep.

I've requested for more prayers for tomorrow and I'm humbled by the response I got from friends --- close and otherwise. 

In not so many words, let me just say that today was the most challenging day for N and I since this journey began. It was overwhelming, to say the least. I found myself focusing on this bible verse. We are so blessed to have neighbors whom we can talk to whenever we need guidance and reassurance. 3 houses down from ours live the most accommodating and warm couple in this small community. Pastor R and his wife, A have also invited us to be part of their D-group. We've only joined them once but N and I are in agreement that we want to keep going back. Anyway, all it took was one text message from N to Pastor R and at around 9pm we were seated in their living room and Pastor R was praying for us.

I continued to pray when we got home ... I needed time alone to talk to the Lord in the manner that I usually do. I can't have anyone else in the room when I do this. 

So anyway ... I should've hit the sack a lot earlier than this. If you're reading this, please say a quiet prayer for me as I face the frenemy again tomorrow. Thank you and God bless you! 

The Big Food No-No's During Chemo

For the next 18 weeks, as I go through 2-hour chemotherapy sessions every 21 days, I need to avoid eating the following

Basically anything that's raw. This is to prevent any bacteria from entering my body while my immune system is down from the chemotherapy. I also can't be exposed to people who are constantly coughing, sneezing and needless to say, those who are obviously sick. Not totally bummed about it but I'm glad the total ban is only for 18 weeks. 

Sabine is still coughing, although now fever-free, so I still make sure I wear a mask whenever I'm around her. I should do the same everytime I'm out (yes, I'm allowed to go out but I have to choose the places I go to) in crowded places like church or a theatre. 

Truth be told though, I have become so comfortable with staying home all day. If I don't have to, I don't step out. I would assume that being home most of the time won't be a big problem. 

I'm gonna have to stop drinking my Rawlicous green smoothies as well --- not that I'm crazy about them hahaha! :)) 

Preparing for the 2nd Leg of This Journey

Chemo Cycle 1 happens today --- finally! 

But do I really mean that? It's actually half-true. While the anxiety is still there, I wouldn't want to postpone it anymore. This is the day that was marked for it and I'll do it no matter how nervous I become. 

It's really, really important that all my immediate surroundings are clean. As early as the weekend, the helpers already did their thing. Here's what the Master's Bedroom looked like as of yesterday.

When Sabine walked into the room after our visit to her Pediatrician yesterday, she happily declared this as the "best bedroom ever!!!". So cute!!! 

Notice the huge bottle of Sterilium (hospital grade disinfectant) on the night stand? Our family has been using Sterilium for a while now. (If anyone's interested to order, I can hook you up with the local distributor) We love it and it's become a habit for us all to use it. 

These will be my best friends from now on (as if they aren't yet)

Let's do this! 

(Don't be surprised if you see another blog entry this afternoon between the hours of 2-4. That would mean that the chemo infusion is not so bad and I'm able to write about it as it happens.)