Video : Breast Cancer Survivors

I came across this video on YouTube while doing a search earlier. I watched the whole thing even if it's a bit long. Funny how just by listening to each of their stories and looking closely at each of them while they spoke, I could tell who have the really strong personalities. Judgemental? Maybe. But you can tell a lot by how a person expresses himself/herself.

There are certain parts which really stood out because I could really relate to the experience. One of them said something like, "nothing really prepares you for chemo" and I would have to agree - strongly!

A warning though ... some of these women's stories may have a negative effect on you, depending on how well you're handling your illness. Remember that we are all different from one another. One survivor's experience may not necessarily happen to us. So take everything with a grain of salt and just take away all the positive learnings these women have had from their respective journeys.

I know that I have a handful of them after watching the video.

Of Flesh and Blood I'm Made

If you're an 80's kid, the title of this entry will sound familiar to you. It's from the song, "Human" by The Human League. I was reminded of it a few days ago when I gave in to a moment of weakness, because I realized that my hair or whatever little was left of it (after I went for the semi-kalbo look) continued to fall off. It could've also been one of those mood swings that my Onco told N and I to prepare for. Regardless of where it came from, I again applied my 15-minute strategy. I cried and cried and even asked Neal to come and hold my hand while I did (yeah, in the bathroom away from the kids' eyes). He sat there with me, told me to pray for acceptance, reassured me that he was right there, asked me what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go (I seriously thought of replying, "Disneyland, I wanna go to Disneyland right now. It's the happiest place on earth and I don't want to be anything but that!" or some other crazy kind of retort). If he had asked me if I wanted him to buy me something, I would've said, "Yeah, a Moynat Initial Canvas Bag in this particular color would be the best pick-me upper and I will love you 10x more!" 

But seriously, all I wanted to do at that particular moment was to cry and release all the painful feelings because they had no place in my already technically cancer-free body. N continued to soothe me and comfort me until the sobbing ended and I felt a lot better. 

I got up, got ready for my Oncologist appointment and the rest of what happened that day is in this previous entry. I can't count the times that God must've said, "Uh oh, she's having one of those lapses again, time for me to intervene.". He always does. He did again this time, as you may have read in that previous entry. He sent my Oncologist to make me feel better, and even went another step further by showing me what a success story that man with cancer cells in his brain is. That same evening, I saw our hair stylist, Mary at Emphasis in Rockwell and I told her to get rid of all the remaining hair. 

So yeah, what I'm really also trying to say here is ... I know that many think of me as strong, positive, cheerful and kick ass. I AM. But it doesn't mean I don't have my share of weak episodes. Another thing I've learned on this journey is to let go ... that includes letting go of all these emotions that can sometimes come rushing from nowhere and hit you at the most unexpected times. To let go is to allow God's grace to flow through your body. His grace and negative emotions can't co-exist. Peace will only come when you've allowed yourself to face the pain and then release it. Yup, I didn't think losing my hair would be this painful (no matter how many times I've heard  other people say it). I thought I could handle it by repeating to myself, "It will grow back ... it's just hair." It was really painful to see it all go nonetheless. Why? I'm not sure. I'm not vain and I'm certain of that. 

When the tears and the emotions came, I embraced them and allowed them to consume me ... but only so that I can let them all go. I'm alright now. I can look at myself in the mirror and not tear up. Sabine sometimes calls me Mommy Kalbo when she's in a playful mood. Anissa (N told me secretly) was worried when I first had my hair shaved, but he spoke to her and assured her I was okay. 

It's Sunday ... I hope you all have a blessed one. I know I will.

On Positivity

Actual entry date 29 August 2012

I'm learning so much on this journey. One of the first pieces of advice I received from people, and the one that keeps popping up every now and then is to STAY POSITIVE.

But when you're given news that has the tendency to suck all the positive energy out of you (and in my case it was already depleted to begin with), how do you do it? It's not easy at all.

Truth be told, I cried buckets when my OB-Gyne first reacted to the lump in my breast. I saw her facial expression change slightly and it alarmed me to the point that it made my mind work overtime. I cried in the car while leaving the hospital and even when I got home. I cried that night when everyone was asleep. All these thoughts just came to me and they stayed in my head, not wanting to leave. I felt burdened and so afraid for what was to come. But I think I overdid it, really. It was just day one and I honestly had no idea how things would turn out. Fear and worry took over too soon and they enveloped my entire being and almost paralyzed me. That went on until the next day when I went to meet my breast surgeon for the first time. By the end of those 48 hours, I felt so deflated. It had only been 2 days and even then, still no confirmation of anything, and yet I truly felt exhausted.

I've always believed that a person gravitates towards his own thoughts. The mind is so powerful, it can take control of you and your entire being. At this point, I realized that I was letting my mind do just that, and it was slowly consuming me. All the negative thoughts were eating me up and making me feel so wasted!!! This is what people meant when they said it wasn't going to be easy but you just have to take the wheel and steer things in the right direction. Otherwise, poor you.

I decided to take stock of things when I realized how badly beaten I felt so early in the game. And well, the rest is history. I am where I am today and I owe it all to the one up there. I prayed for strength, for Him to take away all the bad feelings and replace them with comfort and hope. I surrendered everything to Him and begged him to help me. That was all it took.

The next day, it was all GONE!!!

So while there is no sufficient medical proof that a positive attitude can make your illness go away, it plays a huge role in the healing process nonetheless. All I know is that the body responds to whatever the mind tells it to do. If my mind keeps telling my body that I'll be okay, what do I stand to lose?

Best of all, hindi ako papangit! :)))

So repeat after me ...

YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK. THINK ONLY GOOD THOUGHTS!!!

This Song: The Answer to the Million $ Question

Actual entry date 28 August 2012

I first heard this last Sunday and its message touched me so much, I wanted to share it to all.

My faithful Father, enduring Friend

Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end

It overwhelms me, covers my sin

Each time I come into Your presence

I stand in wonder once again

CHORUS:

Your grace still amazes me

Your love is still a mystery

Each day I fall on my knees

Your grace still amazes me

‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour, You make me whole

You are the Author and the Healer of my soul

What can I give You, Lord, what can I say

I know there’s no way to repay You

Only to offer You my praise

It’s deeper, it’s wider

It’s stronger, it’s higher

It’s deeper it’s wider

It’s stronger, it’s higher

than anything my eyes can see

Everyday, people ask me how I do it. My Dad passed away only 3 months ago. So soon, I'm faced with another trial. It is too painful to understand, for some who are really close to me and they've cried over it, thinking how difficult it must be to be in my position.

This song is very special to me and I believe there's a reason it was introduced to me last Sunday. It's no longer any wonder why I've managed to stay positive and happy, despite the circumstances and that "double whammy" that people are referring to. Please pay attention to the chorus of the song to have an idea about how I've been feeling and what I owe this calmness to.

Needless to say, I am BLESSED beyond measure, because it is an amazing thing to feel so at peace and free from worry. This gift has allowed me to go about my life as usual and not be a burden to anyone, it has allowed me to continue being there for my children and provide strength and inspiration to them, it has kept me open to receiving all the gifts that God wants to shower me with so that I won't have to dwell on the problem.

There are some who are worried that I might be trying so hard to put up a brave front and I might break down sooner or later from all the stress of holding it back. Funny but I'm not pretending to be alright. Neither am I saying that I have never ever shed tears over this. Uhmmm...not a robot, okay? I do cry and I cry whenever I feel the need to. So there.

But really, the grace of God surpasses my understanding and it truly erases every bit of doubt, fear and worry in my mind and heart. I can't convince people enough but this is the truth. You will know when you find yourselves in my shoes and believe me, I want everyone, at some point in their lives, to experience it because it is such a precious gift!!!

Not to forget! My Dad is probably giving it his all in interceding for me. I am not Daddy's girl for nothing!

Have a beautiful start of the work week everyone!!!

On Getting A Second Opinion

Actual entry date 27 August 2012

There was no doubt in our minds that we wanted to get a second opinion about my condition. But just to make it clear, it wasn't because we didn't trust the initial findings. We simply wanted to hear the opinion of a second medical professional, so we could compare, if there were any differences noted.

The day after the diagnosis, N and I found ourselves at the UST Hospital to meet up with the Dad of my brother's girlfriend who is a surgeon, too. Not a breast surgeon but a surgeon nonetheless, with many years of experience. He looked at my scans a few days before I was diagnosed and pretty much confirmed everything my breast surgeon had told me back then.

Thankfully, the second opinion was the same as the first. Of course I would've wanted it to be different .. better! It wasn't but what's important is it also wasn't worse. Relief! After the usual physical exam (which was really more thorough), the doctor sat us down and explained everything in great detail. Other than what we already knew, he also told us these :

Lymph Nodes not compromised

Zero Metastasis

Stage is 2A which is more specific than the original clinical finding by my surgeon

Did you see that? Lymph Nodes NOT compromised and zero metastasis? You can't imagine what it felt like to hear those words!!! I couldn't but I really wanted to shout for joy. Needless to say, the clinical finding is not the final word. It's always the pathological finding, which will come after my surgery and after the entire lump is taken out and scrutinized. But really ... I didn't care much. All I know is that a doctor (a more experienced one at that), told me that the cancer cells have not spread to my lymph nodes. Wonderful music to my ears!!! After a few more questions, we kissed him and his wife goodbye, said our thank you's and left the hospital in high spirits.

I find myself smiling everytime I think about that afternoon, because that was really huge news to me. I know that the main reason for this positivity is the great faith I have in the good Lord, which can only be the result of all the prayers being said for me.

I know you're all storming heaven and I remain humble and grateful to all.

Tomorrow, I'll start undergoing pre-surgery tests (the usual gamut of blood tests, ultrasounds and ECGs) to help me prepare for the big day. I'll also be sitting down again with my breast surgeon and hopefully, the reconstructive surgeon, so I can finally make that all-important decision!

God bless all of you!!!

P.S. Here's my personal take on the 2 surgeons I've seen so far. Please note that the first one is 40 years old and the one who gave the 2nd opinion is all of 62 years. Their approach is totally different, for obvious reasons. The more mature surgeon has been practicing medicine a lot longer and never had to depend on technology or machines when he was younger. Through the years, I'm sure he has really mastered the art of just using his hands. It was those hands which examined me and told him my lymph nodes were still okay and untouched. Whereas the younger surgeon didn't want to commit anything to me and said she would only be able to confirm once I'm on the operating table and in surgery. I can't really say that I trust one more than the other. All I'm saying is that, experience is not something to be taken for granted.

So I'm A Stiletto

Actual entry dated 27 August 2012

A high school batch mate posted this on my Facebook wall last night. Don't you just love it? 

I do!!! Thank you, Melanie!!! 

The Hanging Question on Breast Reconstruction

Actual entry dated 27 August 2012

The thing I need to decide on is whether to have simultaneous breast reconstruction surgery or not. This means that after the mastectomy is concluded by the Breast Surgeon, the Plastic Surgeon steps in to reconstruct the breast. If I get this procedure done, I will wake up after surgery with two breasts still! 

But since things have been happening so fast and the two procedures will be done one after another, as a patient, I'm entitled to study my options and weigh the facts before I say YES. 

Off-hand, this sounds like it doesn't pose any disadvantage whatsoever. I've learned that the main reason women opt to have simultaneous reconstructive surgery is so that they can avoid being depressed or stressed out during the following months when treatments take place. It will be stressful enough to undergo chemotherapy (for some), and looking at an empty slate on your chest may contribute to the stress even more. Makes so much sense, right? 

Initially, my thought was this : "I don't really care about losing one breast. I just want all the crap taken out of my body so I can go on with my life!" That, according to my Breast Surgeon, is a normal reaction. She's heard it so many times from her patients before. But she told me not to make a hasty decision because I have some time to think it over. 

It's already Monday, I need to go back to her tomorrow so we can talk about scheduling the surgery, and yet I haven't decided if I want this or not. If you ask N, he's leaning towards the recon surgery. Errrrr .... he's a MAN and even if he doesn't admit it, I know why! LOL!!! Seriously though, I know him so well. It's not for selfish reasons. He's not the shallow kind. In his mind, if you can avoid any future issues like depression or any type of psychological problem, why not do it? 

I, on the other hand, have been told (especially by my Aunts who are survivors) that they don't think I need it, seeing how strong I've been since this all began. They feel I'm mature enough to handle seeing only one breast everyday for the rest of my life. Besides, if I change my mind, I can still get it done in the future. The only disadvantage to this is that obviously, I go under the knife a second time. 

WHAT TO DO???

My Breast Surgeon has a partner who can take care of the reconstructive procedure. Her name is Dra. Yen Asedillo and I've been told she's very, very good. It's a really small world we live in. The day after I was diagnosed, I was chatting with a very good friend who asked me who my (proposed) reconstructive surgeon will be. When I said the name, she excitedly told me that Dra. Asedillo is her brother's sister-in-law and that she is well-known and trusted by many. 

I found this on her Facebook page 

I totally understand what's going to happen, thanks to this and to my breast surgeon's initial explanation. I'm also waiting to meet Dra. Asedillo so I can personally hear her side.

The really big question that hangs on top of my head right now though is 

DO I WANT IT? 

I Love Sundays

Actual entry dated 26 August 2012

We began our day by going to church at 10. Although it shouldn't really matter what time of day anyone worships, I've always thought that doing so before anything else really makes a difference.

(Thank you, Lord, for the specific messages for me --- major goosebump moment which made me cry!)

I started using this wallpaper on my iPhone today

One of my cyber friends gave it to me. I love the colors. I'll keep it on my screen for as long as I need to. Thank you for this, Trisha!!! 

It came from one of many cyber friends who have sent their well wishes to me. I love the colours and I'm going to keep it for as long as I need it. Thank you, Trisha!!! 

The entire family went to Power Plant Mall today, to lend support to Mama's friends who were participating in a bazaar type event (I forget the name). One of them was selling handmade religious jewelry and accessories. Mama bought this bracelet for me. I'm glad the colors are so easy to match so I can wear it all the time. Thank you, Mama!!!

Lastly, I ran out recently so I bought this from Bench.

Let me just say that among the three scents available, this is my favorite Daphne Home Scent. It makes our room smell like a haven of relaxation. The Madonna and Child is actually part of a rosary, given to me by the same friend of Mama's who made the bracelet above.

Sundays are always happy. It's the day I look forward to the most each week. 

It's going to be even more special starting now. 

How was yours? 

Day 11 : The Diagnosis

Actual entry dated 23 August 2012

Day 12 - August 23, 2012

The day my life changed

INVASIVE DUCTAL CARCINOMA Stage 2A (early stage, thank GOD!!!) or more simply put, Breast Cancer. My surgeon confirmed it on this day. N and I sat down on her visitors' chairs and were told, "It's not good..."

I recall hearing those words like they were said a few seconds ago. It's been 3 days since then and I've never been the same.

It took me 3 days to start writing about it here, not because I had to recover from shock or anger. I didn't want to be abrupt, I wanted to make sure that every word is meant and comes from the heart.

My first reaction to the news? I paused for about 5 seconds when my surgeon said the words and then immediately, I buckled down to business. What's next? When do we do it? How is it going to be done? If there weren't a few others waiting for their turn at the clinic, I would've spent an hour or more just asking questions about my condition and how best to deal with this CRAP that's taken residence inside my body. But I had to keep it short so I made sure I covered only the most important ones, the ones my family will surely be asking me as soon as I tell them the news.

Anger was never an option. It would have taken up precious time, the time I needed to focus on praying and gathering information about this illness. Shock? Maybe a little. But it was so little, it hardly showed. Fear? I'm human, of course I'm scared. But it's not enough to bring me to a point where everything falls apart. My surgeon, before we left the clinic that afternoon asked me, "Did you know what was coming? Did you have a strong feeling that your lump was malignant?" I said, of course not! I was surprised and asked her why she was asking me that. She replied that it was what she thought, based on my reaction, which was totally calm and non-emotional. I didn't realize how quietly I took the news until she told me that. For this, I have to thank all those who prayed for me, because those prayers gave me the strength to accept God's will.

Breaking it to my family wasn't easy. After all, we're all still officially in mourning. However, I was amazed that I remained calm while I spoke to my Mom and Anissa. N took care of breaking it to my brother. I didn't have to convince myself not to cry while explaining things to them. I just didn't cry at all. My strength was coming from a higher power and I knew it in my bones.

Honestly, I worry more about the people around me because some of them didn't take the news too well. A few of my closest friends had to compose themselves first before deciding to call me up. Some have not even called because they're too emotional still. I wish they would so they could see how okay I am and I could comfort and reassure them.

It's been 3 days since I learned I have Breast Cancer. I don't feel much of a difference. I wake up each morning like usual, only 10 times blessed. The past 3 days have been so normal, just like any other day. The only difference? I feel loved like never before.

GOD'S LOVE IS MOST EVIDENT. He has filled me with the Holy Spirit and that's why I don't feel the need to worry or fear too much. This is such an amazing gift! To be able to say, "Oh crap! I have breast cancer!" and not throwing a fit or feeling sorry for myself.

I AM SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO CARE. The prayers haven't stopped. I know because this is precisely why I am strong and determined to beat this shitty illness.

I AM THANKFUL. This is so much better than having to worry about my kids' health. I wasn't spared but they were. That, to me, means so much and I will always be grateful for it.

IT'S BREAST CANCER, the most treatable kind and the easiest to manage. I am soooooooo blessed to have caught it in time!!! Two of my aunts (Mom's sisters) are survivors. I don't have to look far to see that this is not a death sentence.

Heavenly Father, thank you for your infinite love

For the gift of Your grace and for the courage I hold in my heart, which can only come from YOU

Strengthen me more as I begin my journey towards healing

Grant me the patience to continue to be still as I allow Your able hands to work on me

Continue to fill me with hope and positivity because these are what have made me understand why You put me in the exact place I am in right now

Never ever allow me to live in doubt or fear because I don't want to miss seeing all the great things You have lined up for me

Bless all those who have prayed for me and are still praying for me, for their love and genuine concern are what I need to reassure me on the not-so-good days

I know that the journey is just beginning and I'm never alone because You've brought me here and You'll be with me every step of the way

I thank you for these circumstances, which have helped me see things the way I've never ever seen them before

I'm ready for this challenge because You have strengthened me and given me the courage to face it with hope in my heart and complete confidence in You

So yes, I have the dreaded Big C and I'm officially a breast cancer patient.

One day, I will be cancer-free and you can call me a SURVIVOR.

Game face on!!!

(P.S. I've decided that I want to continue to chronicle my experience here, while writing about all the other stuff I'm so used to sharing --- fashion, parenting, food, travel. Someday, I'd like to be able to read back and see what I've gone through and be amazed at how God has helped me weather this storm.)

Day 10 : The Day Before The Day

Actual entry date 22 August 2012

Today was Monday, because people went back to work and the kids returned to school. I had the whole day to myself at home and while I would normally be restless (yup, I'm sometimes still not used to this stay-at-home-Mom role), today was so different. 

I continue to be thankful because the calmness in my heart was and is still there. I found the time to meditate and pray the rosary after N left for work and while the house was so quiet. It felt so good to be able to do that. 

Except for Anissa who was dismissed from class at 430 but wanted to go straight to Club Gymnastica with her team mates to train, everyone is home. The house is noisy again, thanks to Sabine, and I'm now quietly updating my blog while waiting for some TV show episodes to download completely so I can immerse myself in them while waiting to get sleepy.

Tomorrow is THE day I get my chest biopsy results.

Lord, please continue to hold my hand

Daddy, thank you for interceding for me. Don't stop now!

Mama Mary, thank you for your comforting, motherly embrace

A new chapter in my life begins tomorrow!!!

Oh Mom!

Actual entry date 22 August 2012

My Mom sent me this text at around 11pm last night right before she slept

If God solves your problem, you have faith in His abilities. If God doesn't solve your problem, He has faith in YOUR abilities. Tough times are like physical exercise. You may not like it while you are doing it, but tomorrow you will be stronger because of it.

God will bring you to a point of weakness for that's what it takes to bring you to trust Him, because you will never know that God is all you need until He is all you have got. 

Jesus, immerse me in Your Sacred Heart!!! 

It's beautiful, to say the least. I especially like the line which explains why God brings you to a point of weakness. It is SO TRUE. For if we felt strong and problem-free, we could easily forget all about Him. 

"My Mom will make everything okay." - Roo (from Pooh's Heffalump Movie)

She always does!

Happy mid-week to all!

Day 9 : Closer to the Truth

Actual entry dated 21 August 2012

Has it really been 9 days since I discovered this lump? Wow! That means 2 more sleeps and I'll be back inside my doctor's clinic to find out once and for all. I still refuse to say it. No, I'm not in denial. It's just that I've worked so hard to rid myself of negativity, because I don't want my physical being to suffer. I've been focused only on the positive these past 9 days. I had to be.

At first, I thought that the long weekend was such a disadvantage. I would have to wait longer to see my biopsy results. It turned out to be just the opposite of that. I got to reflect and pray a lot, plus I got the chance to spend quality time with N, my kids and the rest of my immediate family. I've been so at peace and normal as normal could be. God has worked so hard on me ever since this all started. That's why despite the situation and how a lot of people feel about it (worried, scared, what not), I'm really, sincerely doing well.

Today was rather lazy. We only got off our b*tts late in the afternoon to join Mom for dinner at my parents' condo. After a really quick stop at the church nearby (Padre Pio), we proceeded to see Mom and we ate so much as usual.

People might be wondering how I'm doing as I get closer to Thursday. I can't lie. There's a small part inside of me that's nervous and maybe slightly scared. But not in a doubtful kind of way. Does that make any sense at all? What I mean to say is, I'm kind of on the edge of my seat and yet I'm calm and not panicky at all. I guess it's normal right? I'm supposed to see my doctor in less than 48 hours because my test results are coming out. I don't think anyone will NOT be just a tiny bit nervous about something as huge as this.

I know that the Lord continues to watch over me with His loving eyes. I'm certain that my Dad is doing the same, while vigorously knocking on heaven's doors with his prayers. If only for that, I'm really grateful and I don't feel like I'm alone at all.

Tomorrow, the kids are going back to school after the long weekend. I'll have a lot of quiet time at home which I can use to pray.

Thank you, dear Lord, for never leaving my side for a second.

I love You with all my heart!!!

Worry vs. Peace

Actual entry dated 21 August 2012

 I'm an over-protective Mom. As such, I am also a panicky Mom, a worry wart in general. But up until now, I always worried about the most trivial matters. 

Last week, I found myself worried 10 times over. I don't remember having panicked more. But well-meaning people around me helped me get out of that dark spot almost as soon as I found myself in it. 

I received countless messages telling me to BE POSITIVE and to not entertain any negative thoughts. They all told me, "Easier said than done but you have to because you can't be stressed." If it would help, also refrain from discussing what "could be" and thinking "what if...". Just focus on being healed and saved from this crisis for now. But I couldn't do it, not on my own. So I isolated myself from the rest of the world for a few minutes and prayed. 

I remember saying these words,

Lord, I come to you in all humility because I know You are all-knowing and your love is powerful and infinite. I am scared. I need YOU. Please take this burden from me because I can't handle it. I want to trust in You whole-heartedly but my fears have kept me from doing so. Forgive me for being in this condition, because I know I am not dealing with this problem the way You want me to. I ask for Your mercy and Your help. Take me out of this dark place that I am in, so that You can begin to work on my healing. I know You will hear me and grant me my prayer. 

Soon enough, I felt the burden lifted from my shoulders. That heavy feeling was gone. I was okay and I no longer felt the need to cry and feel scared. I simply asked HIM to take over. I think that's all HE was waiting for me to do. I haven't cried nor felt down or fearful since that day, not even when I felt nervous right before my chest biopsy last Friday. 

Everytime I feel a negative thought beginning to enter my mind, I immediately close my eyes to pray and drive it away. It continues to amaze me that this "trick" always works. 

I'm not saying it's all going to be good from now on. If that were the case, we would naturally feel the need to pray less and less. I'm sure God will somehow keep sending me reminders because as humans, we all have a tendency to slide, what with the many sources of temptation all around us. It will have to take constant practice for this to become an unconscious habit, but it will be so worth it. 

Here's another thing I want to share. Each of us has to have a powerful statement that we can say repeatedly each time we're in a difficult situation, to help us re-focus. It's like a mantra and all you need to do is say the phrase over and over again until you feel calmness set in.

Mine is this : Mama Mary, help me! 

If you don't have one yet, think of what you would like to use and use it all the time.

Day 8 : Much-Needed Family Time

Actual entry dated 20 August 2012

Today was even more relaxing, I am so thankful!!!

We were invited by very close family friends to spend the day somewhere up North. The home we went to made me kind of want to leave the city. It was quiet, without being too far from everything (Ayala's Marquee Mall was a short drive from there). I was shy to take photos around the house because I didn't want to be intrusive. But this should give you a pretty good idea 

This is the part of the house which greets you when you walk through the gate. It's also where N and I fell asleep after a heavy and delicious lunch (oink! oink!). We couldn't help it. The place was so airy and the weather was just right. Besides, we woke up so early. Excuses excuses! Just look at how happy  Sabine was to see the bed in the lanai. Didn't waste much time, took of her shoes and jumped at the chance to relax as soon as we got there. Anissa, on the other hand, settled in the master's bedroom on the 2nd floor with our iPad and couldn't be disturbed until lunch was served.

I have so much to say about all the food our hostesses prepared for us. Did I mention that they're both Kapampangan? You know what they say about Kapampangan women, right? They're supposedly the best cooks in the Philippines.

Pako Salad, Halabos na Sugpo, Chicken Pork Adobo, Pork Sisig, Kare Kare, Fried Hito and a variety of "kakanin" (Filipino native desserts) to cap this super amazing meal. 

After that quick nap we had, we found ourselves walking back to the dining area because merienda was ready. Good Lord! So much food, I wasn't sure I was ready to eat again so soon!

The famous Susie's Pancit Palabok

Buco Lychee Sherbet

I don't remember the last time I ate so much and was so full, I couldn't get up from my seat!

Really thankful for this quiet and happy day! 

Day 7 : Our Lady of Manaoag

Actual entry dated 19 August 2012

Since Monday, I can't say how many times I've been overwhelmed with God's presence. I prayed for comfort and strength and He sent them to me almost immediately. Many have been praying with and for me and I believe they were sent in reply to my request. The barrage of concerned messages on Facebook, Twitter and via texts have been so overwhelming, I've cried very happy tears over them. God is truly with me on this journey! 

Another affirmation was sent to me last night. One of my Mom's good friends texted her at around 9pm, informing her that Our Lady of Manaoag is on a pilgrimage and is currently at the Santuario de San Jose in Greenhills. That's about a 20-minute drive from where I live! Also, she told my Mom to tell me to hurry because Our Lady will only be there until 12 noon today. How wonderful to receive the news that I don't have to go all the way to Pangasinan just to see HER! Let me just clarify that I'm not really a devotee, but this piece of news was so timely, since I've been knocking on and storming the gates of heaven with prayers these past few days. I made a promise to wake up early today so I could see HER and I did!

I haven't seen Our Lady of Manaoag in years. I truly regret that I only saw HER again today and because I have an urgent favor to ask of HER. But I am certain she can forgive me for it. I was in awe and I'm so relieved and happy that I was able to see HER. 

The prayer to Our Lady of Manaoag:

Virgin Mother of God, Queen of the Most Holy Rosary, thou who hast chosen to raise thy throne of mercy in Manaoag, to be the beloved protectress and Patron of the Province of Pangasinan, and therefrom to bestow thy graces on us, thy children, banished in this valley of tears, look down with thine eyes of mercy upon me, who am beset with so many dangers of body and soul. Despise not my petition, O Mother, but intercede for me before thy divine Son now and at the hour of my death. Amen. 

Virgin of Manaoag, pray for us. 

My day was just made complete by this visit. Thank you, Blessed Mother, for your comforting presence and for allowing me to see YOU today.