This book has been my constant companion ever since I bought it (from Fully Booked) more than a week ago. Unlike the many other books I've read in this lifetime, I'm not rushing to finish this one. In fact, I'm not even halfway done. It's the kind of book you'd want to be totally immersed in, because of all the lessons you take away from the author. I've had many lines glare at me, like they have lights all around them, because I can totally relate. I've had more than one "aha!" moment while reading it. I want to be able to bring it with me to chemo cycle 2 on the 20th, so I can distract myself from the psychological effect of the infusion.
This is how much I love this book. I'm going to do a series of entries, focusing on each of the 50 lessons in it, and sharing my thoughts and personal experience. It will help me take stock of the many things this journey and my life in general, have taught me. Always good to note, right?
Here we go...
LESSON #1 : Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
A friend asked me if I went through the usual stages when my Dad died and then, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I told her, "no". I was raised not to question God's will. I was taught that God, as the highest power, has full control over everyone's lives and can choose to do whatever He wants. We, as his children, follow His lead and never ever question. I recently realized that this was not entirely correct. God will not condemn us for questioning Him or His decisions. We are not like Him, we're human. We're allowed our little moments of anger and doubt. We CAN question Him. At the end of the day though, it's important to realize that despite the anger we feel towards Him, we should always return to Him and trust that He will hold our hands and walk with us.
I never asked, "Why me, Lord??". I was afraid He might say, "Why NOT you? What is so special about you?". I don't feel I deserve to have breast cancer. I don't feel my children deserve to know that their mother is sick with cancer. I don't feel my Mom and my brother deserve the added pain of being told of my diagnosis, just 3 months after we lost my Dad. N doesn't deserve to be burdened with my illness because he's been so faithful to God in anything and everything. But life deals cards that you don't necessarily like. Life's like that. You just learn to swim with the current, make the most of the situation and know that despite all the difficulties, there is always something to be thankful for!
The very first thing that came to mind when I found out I had breast cancer?
THANK GOD, MY CHILDREN ARE HEALTHY! I thought about it again and again, internalized it and said thank you so many times, I've lost count. I can't imagine what it would be like if I had to worry about my kids being sick with anything more than the flu. I was and still am so thankful that it's me He gave the cancer to. I'll forever be grateful for it.
So yeah, life is unfair, I'll admit that. But I'll always be quick to follow it up ... it is still SO GOOD.
Wishing everyone a great week ahead!
