Actual entry dated 21 August 2012
Has it really been 9 days since I discovered this lump? Wow! That means 2 more sleeps and I'll be back inside my doctor's clinic to find out once and for all. I still refuse to say it. No, I'm not in denial. It's just that I've worked so hard to rid myself of negativity, because I don't want my physical being to suffer. I've been focused only on the positive these past 9 days. I had to be.
At first, I thought that the long weekend was such a disadvantage. I would have to wait longer to see my biopsy results. It turned out to be just the opposite of that. I got to reflect and pray a lot, plus I got the chance to spend quality time with N, my kids and the rest of my immediate family. I've been so at peace and normal as normal could be. God has worked so hard on me ever since this all started. That's why despite the situation and how a lot of people feel about it (worried, scared, what not), I'm really, sincerely doing well.
Today was rather lazy. We only got off our b*tts late in the afternoon to join Mom for dinner at my parents' condo. After a really quick stop at the church nearby (Padre Pio), we proceeded to see Mom and we ate so much as usual.
People might be wondering how I'm doing as I get closer to Thursday. I can't lie. There's a small part inside of me that's nervous and maybe slightly scared. But not in a doubtful kind of way. Does that make any sense at all? What I mean to say is, I'm kind of on the edge of my seat and yet I'm calm and not panicky at all. I guess it's normal right? I'm supposed to see my doctor in less than 48 hours because my test results are coming out. I don't think anyone will NOT be just a tiny bit nervous about something as huge as this.
I know that the Lord continues to watch over me with His loving eyes. I'm certain that my Dad is doing the same, while vigorously knocking on heaven's doors with his prayers. If only for that, I'm really grateful and I don't feel like I'm alone at all.
Tomorrow, the kids are going back to school after the long weekend. I'll have a lot of quiet time at home which I can use to pray.
Thank you, dear Lord, for never leaving my side for a second.
I love You with all my heart!!!
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