All I Want For Christmas Is ... this time I'm serious

Actual entry date 8 Oct 2012

You know how when people ask you what you want for Christmas and you say

"Oh nothing really ... basta my kids get what they want, I'm okay."? 

In my case, I always mean it when I say it. But there's always that thought bubble which contains something like ... 

"But you know, it wouldn't be a bad idea if someone gave me new shoes or that new purse I saw recently, or maybe even a new watch ... " 

Admit it! LOL.

Serioulsy this year, my answer will be this

I don't want anything material for Christmas. 

And I don't have anything in my thought bubble at all. 

Nothing material, nothing tangible. Nothing I can hold or touch. Nothing of the sort for myself.

I have been through a lot this year so far. Celebrating Christmas this year is not even about me anymore. Well, it's been that way since I became a Mom. But that's even going to be more like it this year, mainly because it will be our first Christmas without Daddy. So to answer the age-old question ... here is my Christmas list for this really unforgettable year : 

I wish ... 

... that I can go through my chemotherapy sessions without much hassle (that's 18 weeks beginning on October 23rd, 2 weeks from now)

... that the Lord continues to bless my family with strength to deal with the last leg of my journey with breast cancer (yes, I am claiming chemo treatments as the last leg!)

... that I will continue to enjoy receiving the Lord's grace, which I badly need to be able to deal with spending Christmas and New Year without Daddy, and while doing chemo at that. Do I smell a challenge coming? 

... for my Mom (most especially) to be gifted with a very deep kind of understanding and acceptance of my Dad's passing, especially when the holidays are here

... for my kids to still be able to enjoy the holidays despite the circumstances, missing their Lolo and knowing that Mommy's journey is not over

And finally ...

After coming face to face with this awful illness, which blind sided all of us, I really really wish for everyone in my family to continue to be healthy. N, my kids, my Mom, my brother. Everyone in my immediate environment. Going through something like this is really no walk in the park. I would never ever wish it on anyone, not even on someone I totally dislike. 

So basically, I'm going to ignore Santa Claus this year because I don't really need him for myself. My kids, on the other hand, will continue to adore him haha. 

All my requests will be sent up to heaven through prayers and with the help of my number one fan up there, my Dad. I trust and I believe that they will all be given to me!