I've had 3 chemo treatments so far. That means I'm halfway done with them. It's been 2 days and so far, the only side effects I've felt are the usual. PRAISE GOD. I was even able to leave the house yesterday to go to an event with N and Sabine. I was feeling so normal and so up to it that I agreed to go.
It was a huge event, something that people had been looking forward to, so we expected a huge crowd at the venue. Our intention was to fall in line for our number, leave to have dinner and go around the area, then go back. I was shocked to see the amount of people waiting around for their turn!
Was even more surprised when after an initial check done on the documents we brought with us, a lady happily said, "Sir, Ma'am please follow her so you can go directly to the Fast Lane." I wondered why, because she didn't really say.
To cut a long story short, as opposed to those who waited 5 or 6 hours, we were done in less than 3 ... processing included. Then I realized why we were given special treatment. I didn't wear my wig. I was wearing a head wrap, so I guess that I was a dead giveaway. A good friend who works for the company who owned the event confirmed that they have instructions to usher Senior Citizens, handicapped pesons to the Fast Lane as a courtesy. HANDICAPPED. The word kept flashing in my mine like a neon sign.
I ended up sleeping at past 2am because of this. Hormones? Maybe. But I just kept thinking about it because I had just come from a chemo session (which is always a psychological struggle for me) and then being given VIP treatment because I obviously have cancer? It was the kind of blow that I totally didn't expect. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. Only someone who's in my shoes will know what I'm driving at. Reality bites and it does big time!!!
Anyway, it's the weekend before we leave on our much-needed family vacation. I'm so ready to let all of this go and enjoy this trip with my loved ones. Next chemo session won't be until after the new year.
Thank you, Lord ... for allowing me to be treatment-free for the holidays.
Dear Lord, during this trial,
I offer up to you my confusion
Give me clarity
I offer up to you my despair
Give me hope
I offer up to you my weakness
Give me strength
I offer up to you my pettiness
Give me generosity of spirit.
I offer up to you all my
Negative thoughts from Satan
So that when he asks ‘Where is Your God now?”
I may respond “Right here with me, giving me His grace
As a Heavenly beam of light penetrating your darkness!"
I offer up to you my confusion
Give me clarity
I offer up to you my despair
Give me hope
I offer up to you my weakness
Give me strength
I offer up to you my pettiness
Give me generosity of spirit.
I offer up to you all my
Negative thoughts from Satan
So that when he asks ‘Where is Your God now?”
I may respond “Right here with me, giving me His grace
As a Heavenly beam of light penetrating your darkness!"
Wishing all of you a peaceful weekend!
Can somehow relate. Was able to "benefit" from being a handicapped before (1 and 1/2 months in crutches) and was given preferential treatment. But I remember being uncomfortable and embarassed by it more than anything. :( At naaawa sa sarili ko. Parang may stigma. And more of it, in my mind.
ReplyDeleteHay...I'm glad someone knows what it feels like! I was thinking twice about documenting it because it felt so strange, almost neurotic? I'm told that I can now apply for some sort of card for the handicapped at my City Hall. This should give me all sorts of privileges. I haven't applied, I'm not excited about it at all.
ReplyDeletePatty you can get a Disabilty Card. A good friend of mine who also has CA has one. I think it works like the senior citizen card but not really sure.
ReplyDeleteHi Nikki, yes it works just like a Sr Citizen Card. My nephew who has autism has the card and they also get discounts on food, meds and groceries. I really should get one.
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