Officially on Tamoxifen

For the next 2 years, at least. Unlike most recovering breast cancer patients who take it for 5 years, I am highly-suspected of already being on perimenopause stage. As soon as this is confirmed again (for the 3rd time by looking at my FSH level), then I won't need to drink Tamoxifen for 5 years as was communicated to me not just by my Oncologist but also by my Ob-Gyne and Breast Surgeon.

As I embark on this new phase of my journey, I pray that the Tamoxifen does its job but I also pray that my family doesn't suffer much from my being menopausal. They've all gone through so much already since this all started. 

Incidentally, it's Good Friday. We are home and we intend to stay put and be quiet. 

Here's a prayer I would like to share to all of you

A prayerful and peaceful Good Friday to all.

Dancing to Happy News

Today was my first visit to my Oncologist after chemo ended last February 21st. I had my blood extracted the other day --- yup, 3 vials of them because she needs to check on more than the usual. 

I went to her with the results. Although they seemed to look good and within normal ranges, there were a few others that I didn't know how to interpret so I (kinda) nervously waited for her to tell me what these meant.

"Beautiful, I'm so happy! Your tumor markers (breast and ovaries) are also down!"

These were her words, they were music to my ears! 

I continue to be thankful for the healing and for the many other blessings my family and I have received. I'm officially going to be on Tamoxifen starting tomorrow for the next 5 years. 

My next date with the Oncologist is in early June and for the first 2 years, I'm going to go on dates with her every quarter. My post-chemo scan takes place in September to coincide with the first anniversary of my mastectomy and reconstructive breast surgeries.

THANK YOU, DEAR LORD! 

YOU ARE SO FAITHFUL!!!

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! 

Hello, Summer!

Yes, I've been quiet. I had to deal with my kids being sick at the same time --- a very rare occurence in this household. I also had to make sure I didn't catch the virus they had. The little girl had a really bad cough and high fever, while the teenager had a bad case of the sniffles and high fever as well. They were both sick for a whole week and during their 3rd term exams in school. It was the first time ever that my kids were forced to miss taking their exams. Mom was a bit stressed out, worried that this might be dengue. Fortunately for all of us, it turned out to be just a virus. Nevertheless, it was nasty but I'm glad that's all over now.

It's the week after and they're both taking special exams in school. I, on the other hand, am feeling better but still not normal. I've started going out and doing the usual stuff. But I still can't over-exert myself. My legs still suffer the most everytime I'm tired. Is that strange or what? 

It's summer, the kids will be busy and so will I. I'm hoping these Lola Legs will soon cease to exist.

I got a much-needed massage yesterday and it felt good because I had it mostly on my feet and legs. 

Scheduled to do blood extraction today so I can see my counts when I visit my Oncologist again either tomorrow or Friday. Keeping my fingers crossed! 

How's everyone doing? I've been praying a lot for those in my circle, as well as some who are newly-diagnosed, who are friends of friends or acquaintances. 

It's Been 6 Months!

This time, I'm referring to my surgeries : the mastectomy and the reconstruction. I can't believe that's like half a year that just flew by. I still remember that day as if it happened very recently.

I checked in after dinner on the evening of September 11, 2012

The procedures were done the following day, after lunch, and lasted more than the expected 8 hours!

This photo was taken 3 days later when all of the narcotics were finally out of my system. How heavenly it felt! Seriously, the drugs helped but when they were starting to wear off I felt like shit.

And this was on the day I went home from the hospital. I cried the minute I got home. I was away for 7 days and didn't have a choice.

Today, I am thankful to be where I am, feeling like the life I'm living is brand new.

I thank the good Lord for all of His blessings and I look forward to more.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

Fatigue After Chemo

If you think you're in the clear once chemotherapy sessions are over, think again. Atleast that's what I keep telling myself lately. I obviously wasn't ready for what was to happen after chemo. I thought all I needed was a week (tops) to recover ... just like in the past. It's been over 2 weeks since my last cycle and I can tell my body isn't back to normal.

I feel so much better today, there are no more side effects to deal with (i.e. metallic taste, consistent body pain) but I have a long way to go to feeling 100% normal again.

The other day, I was bored so I tried to look for a Zumba (beginners) video on YouTube. I found one, tried it and BOY! After less than 2 minutes, I couldn't go any longer. I felt like I'd been dancing for half an hour. That's how I know I'm not normal yet. Also last Friday, I went out to support my eldest daughter at a dance competition and was away from home for a total of 8 hours. Didn't do much except sit down and watch but the next day, I was so tired I slept for the most part of the day.

One thing's for sure ... I can't go back to full time work. Not just yet. I've been toying around with the idea of doing so, but I need more time to recover. Otherwise, I'd be going on sick leave so often until my boss decides to kick me out. 

It's Sunday today, I'm still on rest mode after that long day I had last Friday. Just as well because the little girl was down with a cough and fever yesterday and needs to rest as well. 

Here's a helpful article I found on how to deal with fatigue after chemo treatments:

http://www.ccsb.org/upload/Image/Thrivership/fatigue_after_chemo.pdf

Happy Sunday to all! 

Hair Update

More than 4 months since my very first chemo cycle and exactly 2 weeks since the 6th and last, here is what my head looks like 

Not bad, huh? I mean, just don't look at all the grey strands (if you can see them). I consider myself fortunate that the hair started to grow back even before treatments ended, and even when my Onco said some of it might still fall off. None of them did :) 

I can't wait to have a full head of hair again. Right now, I can't really tell what my hair's going to be like. They say it won't be the same as before, it never is. Staring at this photo, it looks like it's going to be wavy bordering on curly. We'll just have to wait and see!

It's finally the weekend! I hope you all have a good one. I know I will. 

God bless us all ... 

Lola Legs

I don't know why, but it's my legs that have suffered the most in this final chemo episode. Initially, my concern was that the side effect (body pain) was here much longer than the usual. I attributed it to the fact that this was already my 6th cycle and let's face it, chemo really does take its toll on a person's body. 

I'm really very impatient by nature, so a week after that last cycle, I began to wonder and I texted my Oncologist. She said this is really normal, plus it's different for each person (I've said that a million times here, haven't I?). Just ride it out and think of it as the last time you're going to feel any discomfort because you're done with chemo --- this was her reply to me. 

She had a point, obviously. But when you're there at the finish line and yet your recovery isn't complete because it's taking longer than usual, what would YOU feel? 

Today's Thursday, it's been 2 weeks since February 21, my last chemo cycle. There's still a bit of discomfort in my legs. They feel like I went hiking the day before. When I'm still, they're fine. But when I try to get up from where I'm seated, they feel tired. But they get better everyday. I don't take Paracetamol for relief because I don't need it, really. Not a pill popper, remember? 

It's okay, I can do this. I can continue to be thankful amidst the continuing discomfort. But please ... I hope you go away for good very very soon!!! 

6 Months!

Six months ago today, I woke up to my first ever cigarette-free day since I first lit up many years ago. The night before that (September 1), I took my last puffs on a stick of Mild Sevens (original). It was shortly before midnight. At midnight, a mental alarm clock was to go off because that was the signal, the deadline. It was what I agreed to do and what I promised my Breast Surgeon I would do to prepare for surgery. But when I took my last puff, it wasn't because I wanted to be "clean" for surgery. I wanted to be clean. Period.

For so long before that, Anissa tried desperately to make me kick the habit. Her Dad, my ex-husband, is also a smoker. She worked hard to make us both quit. Today, she only has to worry about one parent smoking, and it's not me. 

Wow, six months. I still can't believe I was able to do it. Smoking had become a huge part of my life. I smoked everytime I was bored, stressed, angry, full, having coffee, sad, happy ... I had an excuse for it each time. I simply wanted to smoke. It was something I had grown so used to. I couldn't imagine going anywhere without cigarettes. Even my Dad, whom I respected so much and feared most of the time, wasn't able to convince me to quit smoking. I am so sure he's smiling down from heaven today. I'm glad I'm making him proud even from where he is. 

Now my problem is how to get N to quit. He's still at it, even if most of the time he's lonely. Hahaha. Seriously, I need to find a way to gently convince him to join me. I know I can't be forceful (that really doesn't work), but I hope I find the trick somehow. 

In the meantime, I'm giving myself twin pats on the back for a job well done!

To Do : Exercise

Moving forward, I need to seriously get into some form of exercise from now on. Or atleast once my Onco gives me the go signal. Yes, I have been (and I'm so ashamed to admit it) sedentary for the most part of my life, most especially after childbirth. I'd love to go back to my first love which is dancing. But the easiest to do would be to brisk walk around the small gated community where we live.

I'm already looking into buying the right kind of shoes to make sure I'm well-equipped. 

Puma Voltaic 4 MT, about US$80

New Balance 735, around U$60.00

Nike Free Run iD, around U$130. It comes in so many yummy colors! They're running shoes but what the heck?


Whatever I end up with, I hope to God I'll be able to use it everyday, because that's how often my Onco wants me to walk around --- twice a day at that. Early morning and after dinner. 

This is serious business. Let's do it!

Hair Loss

I've never actively documented my hair loss here, have I? 

I started losing my hair exactly 2 weeks after I started chemo on October 23, 2012. This is what my Onco told me would happen and it did. Even her timing was spot on. Soon after that, all my other body parts with hair started losing them. Since then, I never really kept tabs. I guess that was my own way of dealing with it, so I won't have to dwell on the loss too much. Anyway, it's all temporary.

Yesterday though, while getting a much-needed massage, I asked my masseuse if she could feel hair growing on my legs and she said YES. I actually shaved after so many months! This prompted me to check all other body parts ... 

This is the first time I'm going to post a photo of me undone. Bare. No make up. This is not even the way I look at home because I don't want my kids to react too much to my hair loss. 

You will see that not all of my eyebrow hair fell off. I'm really thankful for that. But I can't say the same for my eyelashes. When I showed my eyes up close to Anissa last night after I came out of the shower, she was kinda shocked that my eyelashes are gone. 

Question is ... when will they start growing back? And when they do, is it gonna be like before or maybe thicker? I'm crossing my fingers that it's the latter. I didn't have thick or long lashes. 

Everything is temporary. Everything is temporary. 

I need to keep reminding myself that!