We all know what comes after that. My first chemo cycle takes place tomorrow afternoon. I really should be relaxing right now, maybe even getting a massage to calm my nerves. But instead of focusing on being calm, I'm exactly the opposite. Sabine still has a fever, in fact, it shot up to 39 deg celsius just an hour ago. The Pediatrician said earlier, this is what concerns her. It's the high temperature that prevents her from ruling out Dengue just yet. It could still be a bug, but we can't entirely say, it's not Dengue. Sabine had a CBC earlier today and the result was okay but borderline. So the Pedia wants to do a repeat in the morning, plus the Dengue Test, while we monitor her fever for now. All this is happening while I'm trying to psyche myself up for when I enter unknown territory tomorrow. As a Mom, I've always been the panicky type. It's genetic, I think. No one can tell me not to panic when it's my kids we're talking about. It will be really difficult for me to get some sleep tonight and that's me being very, very honest about it, even if I know a lot of people will disagree and tell me I need to get enough sleep.
It's a good thing I already sat down to make a list of things I need to bring to the Chemo Unit of The Medical City tomorrow :
My meds (Onco asked me to buy 3 kinds), including the anti-nausea patch Dra. Marina recommended. This patch would've cost me P3,900+ in Mercury Drug. But purchased directly from a MedRep, I saved about P400.00. This is supposed to last 7 days. I hope it works!
A shawl or small blanket - I'm usually sleepy at the same time the chemo will take place. I hope I'm comfortable enough even with the IV attached to me, so I can nap a little and not dwell.
Snacks - yup, my companion and I are allowed to eat in the private cubicle, which also has a TV
Water - I'll need to drink lots so I can also pee lots and, therefore, flush out whatever it is that needs to be flushed out
I guess in that sense, I'm all set. Emotionally? I don't want to say. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not nervous because I still am. Maybe I'll even be more nervous once I'm there. I'm not beating myself up about it because everyone, including my Oncologist says, it's all part of the experience.
Seriously though, I'm really stressing out more over Sabine's fever. I've been praying for it to go away. I can't deal with anyone else being sick at the moment. The spotlight belongs to me!
Tomorrow's surely looking like one heck of a busy day. We start out early (I was really planning on waking up late, but that's out of the question now) with a trip back to Cardinal Santos Memorial Center for Sabine's CBC and Dengue Test. Then I can go back home and stay there for a while, gather my stuff (and maybe my guts) until it's time to head to the Chemo Unit.
I tried Googling for photos of the Chemo Unit at The Medical City. Unfortunately, I found none. I'm told it's going to be really private and comfortable. The private part is something I would demand. One of my concerns was being exposed to other cancer patients, especially those who are not doing as well as I am. I don't want to be in the same room, my heart won't be able to take it. My doctors assured me that this would not be the case at all. Relief!
Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
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